In Dutch we have a saying: “Als je hem een vinger geeft, neemt hij de hele hand.” Which literally means: “if you give a finger, they’ll take your entire hand”. It describes those moments where you agree to something small and suddenly it feels like much more is expected of you than you were ready for.
It can be when you suggest to go for a tea and someone wants to go for a full day hike. Or you spend an afternoon together and all of a sudden they want to spend 3 days with you.
To me I do not understand why it can not just naturally unfold. If we feel like doing this after the tea, or after the afternoon of hanging out: yes. But why in advance plan that, it feels so intense and claiming. Which is not nice.
Especially for someone who is easily overstimulated and is figuring out life as it is, balancing wanting stimulants and wanting peace. Learning in which phases of the menstrual and moon cycle you are more outward and more inward.
Together with a friend I spoke about this and she said something powerful: if you really like someone, it would not feel this way. And she’s right. If it is someone I truly liked, every step and every moment would have felt natural, exciting and safe.
When this feeling comes of “o someone wants to take my whole arm” – it is a warning sign. A sign of the nervous system. That it is going too fast, that my pace and boundaries are not fully respected. Take a step back.
It is a good mirror, learning that it is allowed to take things slowly. Protect your own space and that “no” is a complete answer. No need to over explain.
This is in romantic settings, friendships, new connections and within family. I am so glad that with my friends and close family I do not experience this. I can always communicate safely. This is also the minimum, if I can not and boundaries are not respected: I do not want this person in my life.
The beauty of people who understand and flow through life the same way is heart warming ♥︎
miracles of the moon ☽ 