Whenever meeting new people (especially men) and they ask you to do something or hang out – it is very confusing if this is as friends, as meeting as souls or if it is a date.
Often I do not see it coming, and since I am not interested in dating (sometimes yes but often no) I think it is a meeting to get to know each other, to talk, to connect. Then randomly the vibe switches. There you are, stuck in a date you never wanted or asked for. And then how to get out…
I thought this person maybe just wanted to connect as souls, not it necessarily have something romantic. Which also irritates me, why does it have to be romantic? Why can’t it be platonic? But then when it shifted to the romantic, I felt like I had to give it a shot because Universe put this on my path. Even typing this I think no, no, no. But hey, we grow. Especially when we do things that do not align with us.
Meeting fellow woman and speaking about this made me realize I am not alone. Someone shared with me: the amount of guys I kissed even though I did not want to is a lot. This was funny and sad at the same time.
I am so glad someone related to what I shared, it was so nice to have an open conversation about this. We spoke on how it can be rude to ask in advance, is this a date for you? Or say, I do not want this to be a date. Because then it is assuming this person is interested in that way in you. But then I realized this is also stupid. From now on I decided to just tell people upfront. I do not care anymore if people think I am too direct or rude. Because it is easier to be upfront then to say stop or no during this “date”.
There is this moment, this kind off pressure on the unexpected date to kiss someone, even if your heart is not fully in it. Somewhere in the mind and in our conditioning, we have been thought to be polite and to not make things awkward, to just go along.
To say no, to say stop is a practice. A practice of self love, a practice of boundaries. Step by step.
So here’s my reminder to myself, and to every woman reading this:
You don’t owe anyone your time, energy, kindness and for sure not a kiss.
You don’t owe anyone your softness, your laughter, your body.
A true connection will never require you to betray yourself.
miracles of the moon ☽ 