miracles of the moon ☽

Mother Ayahuasca has been one of the most transformative teachers in my life, a medicine that speaks not in words, but in visions, feelings, and deep knowing. Each ceremony has opened a door to a different layer of my being: my heart, my shadows, my roots, and my soul’s connection to the universe.

This is part of my story of my journey with the plants. These are just brief snippets of some of the visions and lessons I learned. To be in ceremony is something that is impossible to say in human language.

meeting mama aya and opening my heart in costa rica

Costa Rica was where I first met Mama Aya. I walked into the center as someone curious but totally unprepared for how deeply this medicine would reach into my being. Here I participated in three ceremonies, 2 weeks of jungle retreat, cacao ceremonies, dancing and a sweat lodge.

The first night felt like stepping into a world where fear and love existed side by side. I saw a medicine woman in a jungle tent, blind, but able to see the future. She told me, without words: you already carry the medicine inside you.

Then, the scene shifted: a kidnapped girl in a van appeared. Ayahuasca whispered “past lives,” and I understood this wasn’t just a vision, it was a memory in a way, or later I thought a reflection of how I had once “kidnapped” parts of myself through fear or pain.

I felt a deep connection towards Mother Earth and the calling to take care of her, to spread the message that it is time to stop taking all the natural resources and live in harmony.

Later, I found myself in a dark forest with wolves. They were terrifying, I realized they represented my fears. Fears of not wanting to eat vegetables, fears of dogs and many more. A green light appeared, the color of the heart chakra, saying: it is safe, you are safe, trust the heart. Which was funny, I always loved green lights at raves and festivals.

On my right side, I saw light, love, and singing. On my left, fear and shadow. The medicine was teaching me: “You can always choose love.”

The second ceremony broke me wide open. I saw my first romantic experience, stripped of the romantic illusions I had once attached to it. Mama Aya showed me the truth: that part of me had not been ready, and I cried a lot deep, soul-cleansing tears. “Lets wash away this story. It is not who you are.”

Then came beauty: I floated in pink and lilac light, like a mermaid-unicorn. These colors felt like self-love and divine connection. I purged during the end of the ceremony, expelling not just physical toxins, but the energy of every man who had disrespected or objectified me. It was like mama Aya was performing energetic surgery on my womb and heart.

When I finished the purge and layed down, my roommate gave me a blanket, a symbol of being held by the feminine after years of distorted masculine energy. I felt so cared for.

The final Costa Rican ceremony was all about love. I cried for my parents, not out of pain, but from seeing their souls, beyond human flaws, beyond stories. I felt gratitude for every person in my life, all my dear friends and the beautiful souls around me.

This ceremony taught me that healing isn’t always intense; sometimes, it is the soft grace of surrender and appreciation.

plant dieta and surrendering in portugal

1.5 year later, I felt the call of Mama Aya again. This time, I chose Portugal, closer to home and perfectly aligned with my holiday and timing.

In Portugal, I entered a whole new depth with the medicine. At Sinchi Runa, under the guidance of Maestro Sanando, I spent 10 days immersed in a private glamping tent with Ayurvedic meals, Kambo, a tobacco purge ceremony, two Ayahuasca ceremonies, and a 7-day plant dieta with Ajo Sacha.

The dieta was done in silence and solitude. There were only two bells, one calling for food, the other for ceremonies. I had no control, no distractions (phones, books, etc). This surrender allowed me to truly meet myself.

The first ceremony was split in two parts:

• I first entered a field of energy, created where we in the ceremony were all connected and yet on our own journeys. I was feeling like a green goddess came to see me and she was so connected to Mother Earth. As if I was meeting my own womb and my inner self, she carried a baby and told me: when it is time, it will come.
• The second part, which continued close to my tent, as the beginning of the dieta, deepened the plant connection. It was as if I was releasing years of energy through my arms, legs, and pelvic floor. Waves of energy moved through my body, shaking out old wounds. I even felt I could see through the eyes of plants, as if I had become one with their consciousness. I saw that certain products we use or energies we carry disrupt the field of the plants.

During the dieta, I experienced the whole spectrum, from irritation and boredom to awe at the beauty of life. I healed inner child wounds, sexual energy, and family patterns. Let go of many energies of others that did not serve me anymore. I understood that as women, we are creators, living goddesses.

The second ceremony and the end of the dieta was like coming home. I cried deeply, realizing I am an oasis of peace. The lady next to me was energetically giving birth and it was loud and distracting, but Mama Aya reminded me of my oasis. Peace. Calm is our inner state of being. Even in my work as a flight attendant, I felt like I was giving passengers little drops of love. At one moment, I felt like a soul again, eternal, pure love, and I realized that’s why we choose to be human: to feel it all, every emotion, every shade of existence.

A message from the Maestro:
The maestro told me that if my ceremonies are beautiful, it’s because my inner world is beautiful. He reminded me that where I cringe (past memories) or resist in life, there is healing to do. I cried (alone) after he said this.

deep purging in The Netherlands

When I left Portugal I knew it was not finished since I did not purge the final ceremony and something felt stuck. So 2 months later I joined two ceremonies in The Netherlands. During my time in Portugal, I had received a strong message: sit with the medicine in your home country.

At first, this idea seemed strange. I believed Ayahuasca was best experienced near the Amazon with the original plants and maestros, or at least a connection with either one of them. But one participant shared that sitting with the medicine in your birth country can be even more powerful, because it connects directly to your roots and ancestral energy.

So, I found a way to sit in The Netherlands, even though the exact Amazonian plants aren’t used here due to them being illegal.

These ceremonies were super intense.

• I asked the medicine who the creator is, and I saw many scorpions and one big scorpion. I understood that creation is about transformation, power, and facing shadow.
• I turned into a black panther, strong, fierce, and deeply connected to my primal feminine energy.
• I vomited a lot, purging not just my own pain but also years of substance abuse, old patterns tied to alcohol, drugs, and self-numbing.

I saw visions of how souls are born and enter Earth. If parents don’t welcome a child with full love, a disconnection begins. I also understood why some people hurt others, not as an excuse, but as an insight that even abusers are seeking the light that children carry. For me a lesson to have compassion for all beings.

The universe showed itself to me as a giant flowing pink storm of love. Like going over the world, which was shown to me as Habbo Hotel, a game I played when I was a child. I saw the Earth flowing with this love energy: babies being born, people celebrating, nature blooming. It is all around. Love is all around.

These ceremonies were rough but life-changing. I learned to respect my limits, I didn’t take a second cup during the first ceremony. This broke my old addiction pattern of always wanting more, more, more.

1:1 ceremony with PERUVIAN maestro in guatemala

I felt the calling again and I planned to travel to Guatemala. This time, I found a retreat, a small, intimate center led by Sasha, Ana Sofia, and Maestro from Peru. This place is perfect, so caring, feminine energy and they guided me very well with integration. The maestro has been drinking Ayahuasca since he was 7, and you can feel it, he is one with the medicine.

Unlike other retreats, there was no music except for the maestro’s icaros. The ceremonies were quiet, slow, and deep.

I realized now I have a relationship with Mama Aya, it was not only about visions and words anymore, it was a dialogue of energy, emotion and inner knowing.

Key insights from Guatemala:

• I understood the “monkey mind” and how to step out of mental loops by observing thoughts instead of believing them.
• I saw my family as trees, their roots forever intertwined. I realized that when we build a life with someone, even if we part ways, our roots remain connected.
• I felt a wave of love for my mom, for my family, for all the ancestral lines.
• I saw the ant world, understanding how we humans are like ants, part of a greater collective consciousness. And as some form of soul memory.
• Sacha’s words guided me to stop trying to “understand” in human language and just feel. The moment I surrendered, I purged powerfully, and the ceremony was complete.

These ceremonies lasted 8 hours instead of 4. They were long, but this was an initiation into deep trust and surrender.

A message from the Maestro:
The Maestro told me that he saw some white lights coming from me and could see that I do not drink alcohol and live a clean life. This was beautiful. He also visited his family during ceremonies.

final notes

Ayahuasca is not just about visions or purging, it’s about remembering who we truly are, beyond the stories and wounds. She teaches that healing is both raw and graceful, and that love and compassion is the way to move forward.

In this blog post I just wrote down some of the key lessons, things that happened, visions I saw. There is more, written down in my dairies, stored in my (sub)conscious mind and connected to my soul. I might share. I might keep them to myself ♥︎

Just know that walking the path with medicinal plants is not always easy, but the journey is sacred and beautiful. If you have any questions or if you want to share your stories, my inbox and Instagram DM are open!